Reality check = BABY!?!?!?

The reality that we are going to have a BABY is setting in....We have forgotten what it is like. Lily is independent and we love it. She eats, gets dressed, plays, brushes her teeth, puts her shoes on, packs (she is a great suitcase packer!), can play with the neighbor kids: all by herself. She can even get her own snacks. Her favorite thing right now is to get an apple out of the fridge and rinse it off all by herself. She can even tell time. I will hear her say, "Mom it is 12:20. It is time to leave for school!" She knows what time it is and what time her events start. I have been told that for a four year old this is not normal. It is "above average." She is capable of so much.



And, then, we realize that we are starting over. We are going back to basics here soon. Changing diapers, feedings, getting baby dressed, etc. We have forgotten it. In fact, Matt and I are both a little nervous about caring for a baby and all that it entails. We haven't had to clip a carseat in the car in years. No strollers or pacifiers. We haven't been woken up in the middle of the night often. Lily talks to us. We haven't gotten the privilege of figuring out why a baby is crying.



People say we will pick it right back up.....I hope so.....



I am looking forward to holding this sweet baby. And I hope that caring for him is a greater joy than expected. With Lily, I took it for granted. And I didn't know what I was doing. And I had to back to work. With this little man, I am hoping that in the middle of the night when I am dog-tired that I remember how long we have waited for his arrival. I hope I remember all the trials and losses that we have gone through to have the privilege of holding him. I hope I am praising God when he cries, eats, and dirties diapers regularly. For, we know what it is not to hear our child cry, eat, or soil a diaper. Therefore, I am praying that Matt and I will re-adjust well and quickly to having a newborn. Soon, he will be here!!! I am 37 weeks today.



Lily had a huge day yesterday. Thanks to a friend, she got to go to BSF; Matt took a half day and went to the zoo with her class; We then ventured up to Auburn to see Lucy; then had dinner at Kiki's. Fun day for all. Attached is a pic of Lucy and Lily together.

Up.....Kind of

People keep asking me if I am officially off bedrest. It is a complicated answer:) Doctor and I have not officially had the conversation......He ended up delivering a baby last week during my appointment time. Truthfully, I am exhausted if I am up much. However, I am starting to get stronger. Carrying around this big belly while attempting to do a few things has been a challenge. My back and abdomen muscles are not used to doing much. They have gotten a tad lazy....Doctor had mentioned waiting to rebuild. However, I have things to do:) and I want to be strong enough to deliver and take care of this baby. SO, I am not pushing hard, but I am up doing a few more things. I typically do something, then I rest for awhile; do something, rest, etc. At the end of the day, I am so tired from being up more than normal, that I am sleeping better than most people do toward the end of the pregnancy. (YAY! There is good in the rebuilding!!!!)



I was explaining to Matt last week that I felt like I had to make a daily choice. I either DO something "fun" or DO housework. I do not have energy for both. I was feeling this inner tug of war. Matt knows me well enough and is selfless enough to encourage me to do the fun stuff while I can. I am grateful not to be tied to the housework. After the baby, I will be tied down to taking care of him and the needs of my family.



I am doing a few fun things here and there. And I am taking care of a few things before baby comes (like going to eye appointment). I got an ear infection, so that required a doctor's appointment too. (I didn't have a cold or any drainage and got an ear infection--bizarre!!!) I have not taken any antibiotics the entire time I was pregnant and am planning on keeping it that way. Praying this ear infection goes away so I don't have to be on meds.



If I am up for long, I do have contractions for a little while. Then, they go away.



LUCY ROSE POST was born this morning. Am excited to go see her tomorrow (one of my 'fun' activities). A healthy niece has arrived!!! Lily, Matt, and I are thrilled!!! It will be fun to have Lucy and Baby Boy Morris close in age. A picture of my grandma, dad, brother, and baby Lucy is below.



Not cooking much yet. We are piecing together meals. We have some things in the freezer that we pull out or grill or do something very easy. I miss cooking and am looking forward to the day I get to try some of the recipes I have cut out. Doubt that I will be walking the grocery aisles til after this little guy arrives either! Need to be able to walk around the block first. May attempt walking around the block in the next couple of weeks, if I am still pregnant.



Lily's birthday celebrations will start next week. We have have planned to do fun activities with her for a whole week, just in case the baby comes early. We have several surprises in store and a few things that she is aware of such as her birthday party. Looking forward to it, but know it will be about all I do for that whole week!

Makeup and below the surface (35 weeks!!!!!)

Got myself ready for my doctor's appointment today. I typically do my hair, put on a little makeup, put "real" clothes on (instead of sweatpants). I am waiting for it to be time to leave. And then, I realize--I didn't put on makeup! I am used to not wearing ANY that I didn't think about applying it when I was upstairs. The question then becomes, do I make my way upstairs (something we are told not to do much on bedrest) and apply makeup or do I eliminate it all together?



5 more days of bedrest. That's right. FIVE more days until I am (mostly)released from this 12 week journey. This week, I have been doing a few things that I wouldn't normally do. The girl that does my hair offered to come to our house and hilite my hair. Thankfully, we did not do a cut this week because at the end of the hilite, I had to venture up the stairs to take a shower. At the end of that, I WAS EXHAUSTED. No contractions or complications. Just plain tired. I could hardly move. My muscles have atrophied and whittled away to virtually nothing.



I have an exercise band that I have been working with. However, sometimes it would get my heart-rate going too much and I would start contracting or having other issues. Therefore, I have mainly used it for stretching my legs. Last night I did a few yoga poses. I am going to attempt to use my band and do yoga poses faithfully for the next 5-12 days. (And more thereafter)



I remember the overwhelming feeling after having Daisy. Almost everything I would think about doing by myself was overwhelming. It sounds ridiculous, but it is the same last time as I am finding this time. Just considering going somewhere by myself: driving there, being there, driving myself home. OVERWHELMING!!! The thought of making a recipe with more than 4 ingredients: OVERWHELMING. The thought of walking through a store: OVERWHELMING! The thought of walking around the block with Lily: OVERWHELMING. Places with lots of people and/or lots of commotion (church, playgrounds) OVERWHELMING. We have people that have been helping us in various ways and are in and out every day. However, it takes time to re-adjust to those 'normal' activities. As I recall from the last time, once I regain energy, face it, and then do the overwhelming tasks/activities, it lessens the magnitude of the 'control' it has over my mind and body. Last time, I had the task of overcoming many more physical restraints (like major blood loss) and grief. I am hoping this time, the rebound rate will be much quicker.....



Once I am at 36 weeks, if I go into labor, I go into labor. However, my doctor would prefer if I made it to 37. (Half of baby boys born at 36 weeks still go to the NICU!) So, even though I am going to attempt to be up a little bit more in the next 12 days, I will still probably limit my activities quite a bit. I probably will not be driving much, grocery shopping, etc. There is definitely strategy in rebuilding without going into labor!!!!



My brother and sister-in-law are having their baby in a few days. We will be adding another little girl to the Post Family. I am looking forward to meeting the new Miss Post. They are coming down (from Auburn) to see us this weekend. I am excited to see them. Next time we meet, we will have at least one new family member!



I am hoping/praying for this little man's arrival to be a healing moment. The birth of a healthy full-term baby will be something we have waited for for several years. However, I am aware that it will not take the pain, loss, sorrow away. In fact, the last couple of days, it has hit home with me....I still long for Daisy. I still would love to hold her in my arms. I still wish I had my little girl. This baby does not replace her. Nor does he take away the heartache or longing. He is still in my mind a redemption baby. I am looking forward to meeting him and starting a life including him in our family. And I am hoping that his presence in our lives will aid in some of the continual process of healing.



Starting to fear and have some normal uneasiness about the upcoming labor/delivery. Never know what we will be going through at the hospital. We expect the unknown. We hope for the best. I have been addressing/confessing my fears regularly and asking for God to replace it with peace. Peace that we will be accepting with His best.