On this day last year....

LAST YEAR AT THIS TIME....

On Sept 27, 2009, we went apple picking with friends. Lily and Austin had a great time toddling through the orchard, picking up apples, munching on the apples they could barely hold. I (was pregnant) pulled the kids in the wagon, reached high to pick apples, and wore a pink velour sweat outfit. (I am thinking that I may want to burn that outfit).

I started not to feel well, then I started cramping a little. We were about ready to leave the orchard and Matt was talking to the friends and I kept saying, "I need to sit down." I finally got in the car and vividly remember thinking, "I need to get home...NOW. I need to lie down." We got home and I headed STRAIGHT for our purple sofa (which we don't have anymore!) I was cramping and did not feel quite right.

All the sudden, I started bleeding. I went to the bathroom and confirmed my suspicion. And then, I started to panic. I called our OB office. It was a Sunday, but someone was on-call. I talked to my favorite nurse (Out of all the nurses on call, it was my favorite one!!! And you won't believe--I just saw at BSF recently--How amazing is that??) Anyway, talked to the nurse and she told me what I needed to monitor and what to look for. If certain things happened, I was to head straight for the ER. I was either miscarrying or I had a small (haha) subchorionic hemorrhage. After Lily was asleep, thing started happening and I told Matt that we had to go the ER. We called a couple of people to watch Lily, but no one was answering. The next door neighbors came over and stayed while we went to the ER.

At the ER, we had the best ER doctor. We really enjoyed him, despite the circumstances. We ended up being there for 4 hours. Testing, testing, testing. My parents came at some point through the hours we were there. We found out I was not miscarrying (I totally thought that's what was happening). Instead, the baby was fine. I had a subchoriconic hemorrhage. I was to be on bedrest for a few days, but to see my doctor about further care. I went home, ate dinner and laid on the sofa for the first of many days.

Little did I know what a landmark day Sept 27, 2009 was going to be. Little did I know, I would spend 13 weeks on the sofa.

Today, I started to do a few things that needed done. However, ironically, I am not feeling that well and have resigned myself to the sofa. The house is quiet for a few minutes and it feels very much like Sept 28th of last year. I am on the sofa, the house is quiet, and I am not knowing what the future is. I have, however, come a LONG way from last year. ALOT can happen in a year. Today, "standing on land in between" (those of you that went to Blackhawk yesterday will understand the phrase) my old life and the future. ALOT can happen in a year is a comforting thought. Although knowing what I know now, I know it may not be a "fun" year. I am hoping and trusting that the year will hold many joys.

Even as I read back through this post, I realize how many good things were there that day--favorite nurse, good ER doctor, Daisy was still safe, my parents were there for me when I needed them, we have great neighbors. WE ARE BLESSED. God was looking out for us that day. Even though the past year has been horrible, there were amazing things that happened and amazing people we met throughout the process.

Daisy is still touching lives. I am telling you--I never in my wildest dreams expected that it would just keep going. Thank you, Jesus, for the opportunity to be a messenger of hope.

Pic is of Lily in her sister outfit (not edited yet). More to come!!! Thank you Ally for taking fab photos. Need to get a family photo taken. Haven't had a pro do a fam photo for a couple of years.....Murphy, the dog, was still around, so it has been 2 years!

Off to make dinner for the fam. Healthy nachos, homemade salsa, homemade guac....YUM.

Have an appt tonight with an alternative doctor. My fear: that my diet will have to change! Really, not a big deal, but I still rely on comfort foods, coffee, and wine. That is my confession. I may need someone to go on a special diet with me, if that is the answer....UGH.

Cleaning, cleaning, cleaning. UGH. I cleaned my house today from top to bottom (except the toilets--that's Matt's job). Every time I do it, it makes me want to go back to work so that I can afford to have someone clean my house for me. Isn't that such a snobbish thing to say??? However, it is the truth. I love having a clean house, but HATE cleaning it. It does look good though, if I can say so myself. So, if anyone wants to come to dinner or stop by for dessert, tonight is the night! I have a clean house, dinner is on the stove, and I always have dessert stashed somewhere.

Ally is coming down tonight to take a few photos of Lily in her sister outfit. Mom got Lily and Daisy sister outfits (semi-matching) for Christmas last year, before I actually had Daisy. Daisy was buried in hers, but wanted to get Lily in a pic wearing her big sister outfit before she grows out of it. I have had a hard time replacing Lily's baby pictures above her crib because I just keep thinking that I should have been putting Daisy's baby pictures in them instead since she would have been sleeping in the crib. I am hoping that one of these pictures will work in the frame, so that I can replace Lily's baby pictures with some pics of Lily as a "big girl."

Check out my facebook pages for ALL the pics....Here are just a few:

The Daisy Walk/Run yesterday was a fantastic success. 155 walkers/runners! My Daisy was honored, new friendships made, old friendships kindled, and the support of many. I cried, and cried, and cried on Friday. The emotion of the day to come was overwhelming. However, the day of, I was calm and peaceful and ready to honor Daisy and the preschool by speaking at the start of the race and walking the full 5K (plus an extra loop to catch up with some friends). Pictures to follow. Dad, as usual, was behind the camera. However, getting pics from him can sometimes be a little challenging. HAHA.

I am not sleeping well. I sleep until about 3 or 4 in the morning, then I am only half-asleep. Cannot figure out what to do about it. Considering taking a sleeping pill because when I don't sleep, I am not rested and I am not rested almost every day. Every day, I am finding that I NEED a coffee to make it through, then I make it through, but am exhausted about 9. Go to bed, sleep soundly til 3am, then am semi-awake again.

Just got home from the grocery. Need to do a few things, then I think we are off to dinner with Zach(Matt's bro). He just arrived home from the Marine Corp boot-camp. Looks good--wore his Dress Blues to church this morning. Think he's lost weight, but looks and acts more mature and polite! We are excited to spend a few days with him before he is whisked off to his next Marine Corp assignment.

PS I walked into Lily's room this morning and I said, "Are you my cutie?" And she said, "No, I a princess" HAHA....

Well, the soup was a bust.....One of the only meals in our whole marriage that Matt wouldn't even EAT!!! I don't think it was that bad, but whatever!

Daisy Walk/Run is tomorrow, bright and early. If anyone still wants to participate, I would love to see your pretty faces.

I am a little emotional today--Big day tomorrow and I am finding that sometimes it hits me before the event. Then hopefully at the event, I will be calm and peaceful. Many friends, family, and others will be joining us and I know that it will be a healing moment. To think, one year ago, I was pregnant, had a job, and was excited that my girls would be 2 years apart. So much as happened in a year. I wouldn't take it back. Even though it has been and still is painful, I wouldn't change it. I was thinking this morning about how many new friends I have made and how Daisy has changed lives and how life is sweeter in the arms of Jesus. I know that am where I am supposed to be.....

Had our surprise shower for Candace last night. Everyone actually pulled it off--a true surprise!!! It was fantastic shower (Turners always have great parties!) I think she forgives me for keeping it from her. She kept confiding in me that she was surprised that no one had offered to have a shower. I felt so badly keeping it from her, but I think she is over it! She got many great gifts and I am excited to see the pictures.

Off to do some paperwork, bills, print cards for Trifle.

Starting many new routines

Lily started school on Tuesday. She went again today and did fantastic! I am so proud of her for playing with the kids, listening to her teacher, learning new things, and going willfully!

It is odd how sometimes we worry and worry and worry about something, then it turns out to be not a big deal at all. Have you ever noticed that??? I was so worried that Lily wasn't going to do well with getting dropped off at school. I thought she would cry and cry and cry. Instead, she did wonderfully. Same with BSF. I wasn't sure she was going to like it and I thought she would cry when I dropped her off. She was great. I have been anxious about these two things for months, but GOD knew that it was going to be okay. I had kinda come to the conclusion in the last couple of weeks that if she didn't do well at school, she didn't have to go....God knew that it was going to be FINE. Worrying for NOTHING. We do that quite a bit, don't we?

We also started BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) yesterday morning. I was a tad overwhelmed and truly haven't started my homework yet. (I attempted to start it, but couldn't concentrate on the words....something I have struggled with since losing Daisy). So, hopefully I will be able to get down to business soon because there is lots of material to cover.

It has been a good week, but a busy one. Have had several doctors appts and stuff too.....I am trying to figure out where I stand physically before I make any decisions on babies.....Although I am not really sure if it is helping me decide or confusing me further.

Off to start dinner. I am making a new soup that contains butternut squash, leeks, garlic, pinto beans, bacon, kale....I'll let you know if it is good and post it to the blog. Lily has been liking soup, so anything I can do to get veggies in that girl, I will try!

Lily eating breakfast before her first day of school!

And, cheesey smile in classroom before I leave....She DID NOT cry! I was so proud of her today.

Doctors Schmoctors

Frustrated today with my health. Doctors appointments, tests, blah, blah, blah....I just want my body to be "fixed." I want to "feel good," but I feel like I am falling apart. Aches, pains, and other issues are piling up and I am feeling like I am not ever going to be back to normal (and I might not!) Maybe I just need to get to a place that I am at peace with the fact that I am going to have aches and pains.....

However, I am trying to remind myself that I need to be thankful for what DOES work. My back is still working. I have function of my body. I am not on permanent bedrest. I am mostly functioning and mostly healthy. Everyone has SOMETHING that hurts.

Preparing for Candace's shower on Saturday. Have some surprises up my sleeve for her....Nothing major, but she always seems to know/predict everything. So, I am kind of excited to have the shower. Cannot believe we will have another baby in our family in 8 weeks. I will post pictures after the shower.

Picture is of Lily playing with a bubble maker. She loves making the bubbles then stomping on them. I think she played with it the other night so long that we have no more bubbles!!!

Indecision

There is the thought that it never would happen to you.....And then it does happen to you. Then, you think, surely it won't happen to me again. But, there is an underlying fear that is so great that you want the assurance that it WON'T happen again. However, there is no assurance. No one that can guarantee anything. Probably just like cancer patients, you just hope that it doesn't happen again....Hope that you learned enough the first time around and God doesn't think it is necessary to do it again. And yet, we are human. We are finitely minded people and we always have room to grow and learn....And that is the scary part. I am scared to death of even thinking about having another baby. I am scared to death of the word DECEMBER. I can hardly think that word with out a panic running through my blood and I start hyperventilating.....(I am not sure how I am going to make it through that month) So, why on earth would I choose to do that to myself again? I just cannot justify it. However, I know that when I hold Baby Post for the first time, I am going to have a hard time not wanting another little baby of my own to hold....I am caught in a never ending mental/emotional cycle of indecision.

Reviving my heart

Just got back from the farmer's market.....Feeling so revived. I LOVE GOING to the Southside Market. It makes me feel like I am in a different city/country. Many of the vendors, though, I have come to know and enjoy chatting with them and getting to know produce and them. I came home with homegrown carrots, flowers, pears (my fav variety too), leeks for my soup, red peppers, red onions, and strawberries. I am so glad I took the time to go this morning.

Matt and Lily went to pick up some tomatoes. We are canning one bushel today. Think I may add some of those jalapeno peppers I didn't know what to do with!

Picture is of Lily running through the sprinkler for the first time. She was LOVING it! She came in shivering even though it was 90 degrees out!