Indecision

There is the thought that it never would happen to you.....And then it does happen to you. Then, you think, surely it won't happen to me again. But, there is an underlying fear that is so great that you want the assurance that it WON'T happen again. However, there is no assurance. No one that can guarantee anything. Probably just like cancer patients, you just hope that it doesn't happen again....Hope that you learned enough the first time around and God doesn't think it is necessary to do it again. And yet, we are human. We are finitely minded people and we always have room to grow and learn....And that is the scary part. I am scared to death of even thinking about having another baby. I am scared to death of the word DECEMBER. I can hardly think that word with out a panic running through my blood and I start hyperventilating.....(I am not sure how I am going to make it through that month) So, why on earth would I choose to do that to myself again? I just cannot justify it. However, I know that when I hold Baby Post for the first time, I am going to have a hard time not wanting another little baby of my own to hold....I am caught in a never ending mental/emotional cycle of indecision.