It is getting easier to celebrate other people's joys. I realized today at Zach's graduation party that there was a sense of pride/happiness that would not have been there a couple of months ago. A couple of months ago, I would have been "happy" for him, but not actually shared some of the happiness. I was so deep in my own sorrow, that I could hardly see past it. Does that make sense? Anyway, it feels good to "feel" outside of myself.

Many people losing babies. Maybe I was not aware until now, but another person shared that her daughter lost a baby girl one year ago May 20 (Lily's bday). Oh, there is so much baby loss. Their child did not have a NICU around, so the baby only lived for an hour. To think how many hours I had with Daisy. Little bits of her personality shined through and we got to know and love her all the more. I should have been at the hospital more......I just didn't have the energy and I was caring for Lily......But I also did not know that I would have (only) 20 days with her.

Drew and Marissa were home (Jon too) for the party. It was so nice to visit with Marissa. Through Drew and Marissa's entire dating/married life, I have been pregnant, on bedrest, or grieving. This was one of the first times I felt like I actually just got to get to visit with her and talk to her like a normal person. It was really nice and I am looking forward to the years to come; getting to know her.

Lily got attached quickly to Uncle Jon. He made her laugh within seconds of us walking in the door. He is going to be such a fantastic dad one day. He took her downstairs and turned on some music and danced with Lily. She loved it. She kept asking for him by saying, "Uncle Jon, downstairs!" It is fun to see her have fun.

Still after a day of interaction and high emotions, there is still a sadness at the end of the day. A sense of loss that does not go away, but hides underneath the surface. People say that over time it surfaces less, but it still hurts.....I think I will believe it when I experience it. I have gotten to the point where I can go through the motions without crying all the time, but I don't know if that's truly progress.

PS Candace and Briton's ultrasound was inconclusive! We may have a surprise on our hands!