Pics of Lily from this summer~Peach Cobbler being eaten out of the dish(first pic). It is one of Lily's favorite activities, along with tubing!
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Peach Cobbler
Pics of Lily from this summer~Peach Cobbler being eaten out of the dish(first pic). It is one of Lily's favorite activities, along with tubing!
Friday, August 19, 2011
Depression
I am realizing how depression truly can be a chemical imbalance. My brain is not right....Ironically when we lost Daisy, I had a long period of true mourning. I also had a very long period of physical recovery. However, I do not think I ever went through a depression like I am combatting now. For the people that deal with it--I am learning alot about them. I am learning that some of it can be dealt with with thought rehab:) Some of it can be helped with exercise and vitamins and rest and eating properly and making yourself do social activities. However, if all else fails, there is a definite need for MEDICINE intervention. As much as I don't want it to be the answer and I am trying to combat it with everything else, I may just have to bite the bullet (or pill) and take it.
Truly, not many people talk much about it, but I do think it is a problem that many women deal with. The more I talk to people, the more I realize that not just postpartum, but many types of depression are part of our society. And, I do think that technology doesn't help us. We can text, email, etc without having any TRUE human interaction. Having human interaction does help....Not to get on my technology rampage, but I think it is a good reminder for me that picking up the phone and calling someone can be a good answer sometimes, especially after something traumatic.
A Lily story: I was french braiding Lily's hair today for the first time. She was playing with her combs and standing in her bathroom on her stool. As all three year olds do, she kept trying to get me to look at this and that and have this deep conversation about nothing with her. I finally told her, that I couldn't talk or look because I was trying to concentrate. She asked me the inevitable WHY....I reiterated that I need to concentrate. She was quiet for a second and then said, "When Aunt Candace does it, she doesn't need to concentrate!" I had to defend myself--I said that I was relearning how to braid and that mommy wasn't as good as Aunt Candace at doing hair; that some people it took lots of practice. She keeps me smiling and keeps me going whether I FEEL like it or not. I guess I need to take lessons from Aunt Candace!
Off to load the car. We are going to dinner with friends, then I think we are off to the lake.
Truly, not many people talk much about it, but I do think it is a problem that many women deal with. The more I talk to people, the more I realize that not just postpartum, but many types of depression are part of our society. And, I do think that technology doesn't help us. We can text, email, etc without having any TRUE human interaction. Having human interaction does help....Not to get on my technology rampage, but I think it is a good reminder for me that picking up the phone and calling someone can be a good answer sometimes, especially after something traumatic.
A Lily story: I was french braiding Lily's hair today for the first time. She was playing with her combs and standing in her bathroom on her stool. As all three year olds do, she kept trying to get me to look at this and that and have this deep conversation about nothing with her. I finally told her, that I couldn't talk or look because I was trying to concentrate. She asked me the inevitable WHY....I reiterated that I need to concentrate. She was quiet for a second and then said, "When Aunt Candace does it, she doesn't need to concentrate!" I had to defend myself--I said that I was relearning how to braid and that mommy wasn't as good as Aunt Candace at doing hair; that some people it took lots of practice. She keeps me smiling and keeps me going whether I FEEL like it or not. I guess I need to take lessons from Aunt Candace!
Off to load the car. We are going to dinner with friends, then I think we are off to the lake.
Monday, August 1, 2011
Heaven is Real
Lily asked me on two separate occasions if the baby in my tummy was going to go to Heaven with Daisy. Both times, I responded by telling her that I hoped that they baby got to stay here on earth with us for awhile.
It was one of the hardest things Matt and I had to do--to tell our very comprehending 3 year old that the baby in mommy's belly went to Heaven to be with Daisy and Jesus. Unfortunately (and fortunately) she totally got it. She understood that from now on we weren't going to pray for the baby in mommy's belly anymore. And from that moment on she no longer asked if baby liked the food that I was putting in my mouth. She understood.
It has been 4 and 1/2 weeks since I miscarried. I have not updated the blog until now. I did not know what to say this time around. Not to mention, we did spend the month of July at the lake. We rented the same place we did last year. This year, I spent the month recovering physically and emotionally. Sadly, the month went quickly and I am feeling better now. Since I was 14 weeks along when I miscarried, the doctor advised that the recovery would be 6-8 weeks. And, I am still not 100%. Now that I am home, I am trying to catch up with jobs around the house. However, it is hard to be back because I feel like I have to face reality a little bit more often. At the lake, somehow, I felt a little bit removed from it. Now, I am home and somewhat lonely. Have plenty to do, but don't really feel like doing any of it.
Wednesday is our 10th wedding anniversary. TEN YEARS!!!! We honestly are closer and more on the same page than ever. Thanks to the trials that God has allowed, we have become closer to HIM and closer as a couple. With the loss of Daisy I did not have any inclination to ask WHY. However, this time around, I wanted to. However, I did not allow myself to do it. And, Matt did remind me as I was struggling with that that him and I were closer again because of the loss. And, we did learn some things this time around also.
Lily, as always, has been such a joy. She is such a reminder that we have so much to be grateful for. God gave us her before all of this and she has been such a lovely light in our lives. She is always making us laugh, even if it is in embarrassment.
At the grocery store the other day, Lily yelled at the top of her lungs~
"Look Dad, that man has a ponytail! LOOK! LOOK! LOOK! He has a ponytail! Mans aren't supposed to have ponytails!" needless to say, Matt was totally embarrassed.
Another funny moment this week~
Matt had a frozen coffee drink. Lily knows she can have some coffee if it is cold. So, Matt had let her have some.
Suddenly from the back seat she says, "Dad, do you love me?"
Matt said, "Yes, I love you, Lily."
She then said, "Then can I have some more of your drink?"
Lily had a ball at the lake. Unfortunately, I was not able to have many visitors as I did last year. However, Lily was able to swim almost every day. She also got to tube and play to hear hearts content. She got to spend time with my mom (and so did I).
more later. Off to attend to Lily.
It was one of the hardest things Matt and I had to do--to tell our very comprehending 3 year old that the baby in mommy's belly went to Heaven to be with Daisy and Jesus. Unfortunately (and fortunately) she totally got it. She understood that from now on we weren't going to pray for the baby in mommy's belly anymore. And from that moment on she no longer asked if baby liked the food that I was putting in my mouth. She understood.
It has been 4 and 1/2 weeks since I miscarried. I have not updated the blog until now. I did not know what to say this time around. Not to mention, we did spend the month of July at the lake. We rented the same place we did last year. This year, I spent the month recovering physically and emotionally. Sadly, the month went quickly and I am feeling better now. Since I was 14 weeks along when I miscarried, the doctor advised that the recovery would be 6-8 weeks. And, I am still not 100%. Now that I am home, I am trying to catch up with jobs around the house. However, it is hard to be back because I feel like I have to face reality a little bit more often. At the lake, somehow, I felt a little bit removed from it. Now, I am home and somewhat lonely. Have plenty to do, but don't really feel like doing any of it.
Wednesday is our 10th wedding anniversary. TEN YEARS!!!! We honestly are closer and more on the same page than ever. Thanks to the trials that God has allowed, we have become closer to HIM and closer as a couple. With the loss of Daisy I did not have any inclination to ask WHY. However, this time around, I wanted to. However, I did not allow myself to do it. And, Matt did remind me as I was struggling with that that him and I were closer again because of the loss. And, we did learn some things this time around also.
Lily, as always, has been such a joy. She is such a reminder that we have so much to be grateful for. God gave us her before all of this and she has been such a lovely light in our lives. She is always making us laugh, even if it is in embarrassment.
At the grocery store the other day, Lily yelled at the top of her lungs~
"Look Dad, that man has a ponytail! LOOK! LOOK! LOOK! He has a ponytail! Mans aren't supposed to have ponytails!" needless to say, Matt was totally embarrassed.
Another funny moment this week~
Matt had a frozen coffee drink. Lily knows she can have some coffee if it is cold. So, Matt had let her have some.
Suddenly from the back seat she says, "Dad, do you love me?"
Matt said, "Yes, I love you, Lily."
She then said, "Then can I have some more of your drink?"
Lily had a ball at the lake. Unfortunately, I was not able to have many visitors as I did last year. However, Lily was able to swim almost every day. She also got to tube and play to hear hearts content. She got to spend time with my mom (and so did I).
more later. Off to attend to Lily.
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