Got myself ready for my doctor's appointment today. I typically do my hair, put on a little makeup, put "real" clothes on (instead of sweatpants). I am waiting for it to be time to leave. And then, I realize--I didn't put on makeup! I am used to not wearing ANY that I didn't think about applying it when I was upstairs. The question then becomes, do I make my way upstairs (something we are told not to do much on bedrest) and apply makeup or do I eliminate it all together?
5 more days of bedrest. That's right. FIVE more days until I am (mostly)released from this 12 week journey. This week, I have been doing a few things that I wouldn't normally do. The girl that does my hair offered to come to our house and hilite my hair. Thankfully, we did not do a cut this week because at the end of the hilite, I had to venture up the stairs to take a shower. At the end of that, I WAS EXHAUSTED. No contractions or complications. Just plain tired. I could hardly move. My muscles have atrophied and whittled away to virtually nothing.
I have an exercise band that I have been working with. However, sometimes it would get my heart-rate going too much and I would start contracting or having other issues. Therefore, I have mainly used it for stretching my legs. Last night I did a few yoga poses. I am going to attempt to use my band and do yoga poses faithfully for the next 5-12 days. (And more thereafter)
I remember the overwhelming feeling after having Daisy. Almost everything I would think about doing by myself was overwhelming. It sounds ridiculous, but it is the same last time as I am finding this time. Just considering going somewhere by myself: driving there, being there, driving myself home. OVERWHELMING!!! The thought of making a recipe with more than 4 ingredients: OVERWHELMING. The thought of walking through a store: OVERWHELMING! The thought of walking around the block with Lily: OVERWHELMING. Places with lots of people and/or lots of commotion (church, playgrounds) OVERWHELMING. We have people that have been helping us in various ways and are in and out every day. However, it takes time to re-adjust to those 'normal' activities. As I recall from the last time, once I regain energy, face it, and then do the overwhelming tasks/activities, it lessens the magnitude of the 'control' it has over my mind and body. Last time, I had the task of overcoming many more physical restraints (like major blood loss) and grief. I am hoping this time, the rebound rate will be much quicker.....
Once I am at 36 weeks, if I go into labor, I go into labor. However, my doctor would prefer if I made it to 37. (Half of baby boys born at 36 weeks still go to the NICU!) So, even though I am going to attempt to be up a little bit more in the next 12 days, I will still probably limit my activities quite a bit. I probably will not be driving much, grocery shopping, etc. There is definitely strategy in rebuilding without going into labor!!!!
My brother and sister-in-law are having their baby in a few days. We will be adding another little girl to the Post Family. I am looking forward to meeting the new Miss Post. They are coming down (from Auburn) to see us this weekend. I am excited to see them. Next time we meet, we will have at least one new family member!
I am hoping/praying for this little man's arrival to be a healing moment. The birth of a healthy full-term baby will be something we have waited for for several years. However, I am aware that it will not take the pain, loss, sorrow away. In fact, the last couple of days, it has hit home with me....I still long for Daisy. I still would love to hold her in my arms. I still wish I had my little girl. This baby does not replace her. Nor does he take away the heartache or longing. He is still in my mind a redemption baby. I am looking forward to meeting him and starting a life including him in our family. And I am hoping that his presence in our lives will aid in some of the continual process of healing.
Starting to fear and have some normal uneasiness about the upcoming labor/delivery. Never know what we will be going through at the hospital. We expect the unknown. We hope for the best. I have been addressing/confessing my fears regularly and asking for God to replace it with peace. Peace that we will be accepting with His best.
