Lily eating breakfast before her first day of school!

And, cheesey smile in classroom before I leave....She DID NOT cry! I was so proud of her today.

Doctors Schmoctors

Frustrated today with my health. Doctors appointments, tests, blah, blah, blah....I just want my body to be "fixed." I want to "feel good," but I feel like I am falling apart. Aches, pains, and other issues are piling up and I am feeling like I am not ever going to be back to normal (and I might not!) Maybe I just need to get to a place that I am at peace with the fact that I am going to have aches and pains.....

However, I am trying to remind myself that I need to be thankful for what DOES work. My back is still working. I have function of my body. I am not on permanent bedrest. I am mostly functioning and mostly healthy. Everyone has SOMETHING that hurts.

Preparing for Candace's shower on Saturday. Have some surprises up my sleeve for her....Nothing major, but she always seems to know/predict everything. So, I am kind of excited to have the shower. Cannot believe we will have another baby in our family in 8 weeks. I will post pictures after the shower.

Picture is of Lily playing with a bubble maker. She loves making the bubbles then stomping on them. I think she played with it the other night so long that we have no more bubbles!!!

Indecision

There is the thought that it never would happen to you.....And then it does happen to you. Then, you think, surely it won't happen to me again. But, there is an underlying fear that is so great that you want the assurance that it WON'T happen again. However, there is no assurance. No one that can guarantee anything. Probably just like cancer patients, you just hope that it doesn't happen again....Hope that you learned enough the first time around and God doesn't think it is necessary to do it again. And yet, we are human. We are finitely minded people and we always have room to grow and learn....And that is the scary part. I am scared to death of even thinking about having another baby. I am scared to death of the word DECEMBER. I can hardly think that word with out a panic running through my blood and I start hyperventilating.....(I am not sure how I am going to make it through that month) So, why on earth would I choose to do that to myself again? I just cannot justify it. However, I know that when I hold Baby Post for the first time, I am going to have a hard time not wanting another little baby of my own to hold....I am caught in a never ending mental/emotional cycle of indecision.