Indecision

There is the thought that it never would happen to you.....And then it does happen to you. Then, you think, surely it won't happen to me again. But, there is an underlying fear that is so great that you want the assurance that it WON'T happen again. However, there is no assurance. No one that can guarantee anything. Probably just like cancer patients, you just hope that it doesn't happen again....Hope that you learned enough the first time around and God doesn't think it is necessary to do it again. And yet, we are human. We are finitely minded people and we always have room to grow and learn....And that is the scary part. I am scared to death of even thinking about having another baby. I am scared to death of the word DECEMBER. I can hardly think that word with out a panic running through my blood and I start hyperventilating.....(I am not sure how I am going to make it through that month) So, why on earth would I choose to do that to myself again? I just cannot justify it. However, I know that when I hold Baby Post for the first time, I am going to have a hard time not wanting another little baby of my own to hold....I am caught in a never ending mental/emotional cycle of indecision.

Reviving my heart

Just got back from the farmer's market.....Feeling so revived. I LOVE GOING to the Southside Market. It makes me feel like I am in a different city/country. Many of the vendors, though, I have come to know and enjoy chatting with them and getting to know produce and them. I came home with homegrown carrots, flowers, pears (my fav variety too), leeks for my soup, red peppers, red onions, and strawberries. I am so glad I took the time to go this morning.

Matt and Lily went to pick up some tomatoes. We are canning one bushel today. Think I may add some of those jalapeno peppers I didn't know what to do with!

Picture is of Lily running through the sprinkler for the first time. She was LOVING it! She came in shivering even though it was 90 degrees out!

Days, weeks are flying by without me hardly noticing how fast they are going. Sometimes, I still have a flashback of not remembering what time of the year it is.....Today I was writing a check and couldn't recall what month it was. It is so bizarre.

Daisy's headstone was set this week. Matt, Lily and I went to visit her grave. One of the only thoughts that kept coming to my head was that we were all four together. I had a very hard time leaving because it was so nice for us all four to be in one place, physically at least. As we were preparing to leave, I could not hold my tears in any longer. Lily asked me if I was sad, gave me a hug and said, "It's okay." She becomes very sensitive if anyone is sad. It was sweet and definitely made me smile, then Lily said, "She all better."

Overall, it has been an emotional week. I had more doctor's appointments. The Daisy Walk/Run is coming up and I am EXCITED about it. However, it is also very emotional preparing and talking about it. If anyone wants to walk or run in the event, please let me know! Sign ups are available until September 8. Sponsorships are really needed also to support the preschool. I will be there volunteering and walking.

Matt's brother is bringing a girl home from Alabama this weekend. Must go get ready for meeting them for dinner!

Attached is a picture of Lily eating a Brown House ice cream cone while visiting Daisy.