Heaven is Real

Lily asked me on two separate occasions if the baby in my tummy was going to go to Heaven with Daisy. Both times, I responded by telling her that I hoped that they baby got to stay here on earth with us for awhile.

It was one of the hardest things Matt and I had to do--to tell our very comprehending 3 year old that the baby in mommy's belly went to Heaven to be with Daisy and Jesus. Unfortunately (and fortunately) she totally got it. She understood that from now on we weren't going to pray for the baby in mommy's belly anymore. And from that moment on she no longer asked if baby liked the food that I was putting in my mouth. She understood.

It has been 4 and 1/2 weeks since I miscarried. I have not updated the blog until now. I did not know what to say this time around. Not to mention, we did spend the month of July at the lake. We rented the same place we did last year. This year, I spent the month recovering physically and emotionally. Sadly, the month went quickly and I am feeling better now. Since I was 14 weeks along when I miscarried, the doctor advised that the recovery would be 6-8 weeks. And, I am still not 100%. Now that I am home, I am trying to catch up with jobs around the house. However, it is hard to be back because I feel like I have to face reality a little bit more often. At the lake, somehow, I felt a little bit removed from it. Now, I am home and somewhat lonely. Have plenty to do, but don't really feel like doing any of it.

Wednesday is our 10th wedding anniversary. TEN YEARS!!!! We honestly are closer and more on the same page than ever. Thanks to the trials that God has allowed, we have become closer to HIM and closer as a couple. With the loss of Daisy I did not have any inclination to ask WHY. However, this time around, I wanted to. However, I did not allow myself to do it. And, Matt did remind me as I was struggling with that that him and I were closer again because of the loss. And, we did learn some things this time around also.

Lily, as always, has been such a joy. She is such a reminder that we have so much to be grateful for. God gave us her before all of this and she has been such a lovely light in our lives. She is always making us laugh, even if it is in embarrassment.

At the grocery store the other day, Lily yelled at the top of her lungs~

"Look Dad, that man has a ponytail! LOOK! LOOK! LOOK! He has a ponytail! Mans aren't supposed to have ponytails!" needless to say, Matt was totally embarrassed.

Another funny moment this week~

Matt had a frozen coffee drink. Lily knows she can have some coffee if it is cold. So, Matt had let her have some.

Suddenly from the back seat she says, "Dad, do you love me?"

Matt said, "Yes, I love you, Lily."

She then said, "Then can I have some more of your drink?"


Lily had a ball at the lake. Unfortunately, I was not able to have many visitors as I did last year. However, Lily was able to swim almost every day. She also got to tube and play to hear hearts content. She got to spend time with my mom (and so did I).

more later. Off to attend to Lily.

Overdue update

I have not blogged in exactly a month! Lots to put down.....

~Been spending as much time as I can enjoying the summer, which means going to the park with Lily and friends, making simpler meals, and going to the lake.

~Matt's bro Jon and his fiance got to stay with us last week and it was nice to get to know Polly better. She is a quality, southern girl. Their wedding is in October. I am sad to have to miss it, but probably will be Indiana-bound until this baby arrives.

~Lily said, "I suppose I should..." yesterday. It was so funny hearing "suppose" coming from a 3 year old.

~Matt also taught her the word repulsive a few days ago. She is getting it down, but hasn't used it on her own yet.

~I had cousins here last week that we rarely see. Glad we got to catch up with them a bit. They are 17 and 18 and it was nice to have a real conversation with them, as they are growing into young ladies! Beautiful. Wish I had a pic....Somehow we forgot to take a pic of all the girls in our generation that were enjoying the lake together.

~Go back to doctor tomorrow. Found a couple of small hemorrhages on my ultrasound a couple of weeks ago. Put me on pelvic rest. No strenuous activity, including lifting Lily. Hasn't been too bad, except going to grocery:( I had to ask one of the workers last time I was there to lift her into the cart and then back out again. The Meijer lady was great about it and Lily didn't freak out with a stranger touching her, so all turned out to be fine. I am not supposed to have another ultrasound tomorrow, but I bet I will end up with one. I am having some pressure/pain.....Really hoping that I do not end up on bedrest tomorrow...Praying those blood bubbles have decreased or gone away.

~Feeling good overall. Staying rested has been so good for this pregnancy. I FEEL good.

~Need to do my books for Trifle. Things are piling up:(

~We have new recipe boxes for Trifle. Very neat boxes. Grandpa Zook made them, then my friend decorated them. I will include a pic of a couple of them, although they are more fabulous in person. I cannot determine which one is my favorite because they are all unique and fun.

~Still have a rental vehicle. My car is supposed to be done this coming week. Not sure if I really want it back. Not sure if I will get over the memory of driving it the last time. And, I am hoping it runs like new. I really don't want to get it back and then it not work properly...

~Still going to chiropractor from accident. Lily has been released, but my neck is still a little knotty in a really bizarre place from being thrown the way we were.

~Lily still talks about the accident. Not kidding, right after it happened, we talked about it about 10 times a day. Now we only talk about it approximately once a day. However, she is still processing it. I wonder if it will be one of her first memories that stay with her?!?!?!

~Hoping to rent our little cottage again this year. However, I am feeling as though it may be contingent on tomorrow's appointment.

~Mom's lake place has just turned out amazing. It is tranquil and mostly perfect. We all love to gather there as much as we can. The rain has been a little bit of a bummer, but hopefully it will get better as we head into July.

Babies are Miracles + Yummy new cookie recipe!

The top half of this is a little heavy, but the bottom half is delicious!

A "former" nurse told me when I was on bedrest with Daisy that having a healthy baby is a miracle that we do not really think that much about. Her point was there is so much that can go wrong that we forget how tenderly perfect having a baby is.

That memory keeps resonating with me as I hear of pregnancy/infant problems. Some people have a hard time getting pregnant; some miscarry often; some have stillborns; some have preemies; some have babies with missing organs that are born and live a very short life; some ultrasound results are inconclusive. There are so many situations that I hear of. I know that I am more sensitive to the whole topic now than I was before, but I am reminded often that new life is a miracle. And of course b/c of pregnancy hormones, I am more emotional about my and other people's experience.

I made a meal for a pregnant friend that is struggling with some possible test "results". I am scared sick for her and the baby. God is in control~but there is a possibility of painful things to come.

I made them some cookies....When I sat down to write, I didn't know it was going to be so heavy. In fact, I was really writing to include info on my new favorite cookies. My friend, Abby, who has the Our Little Hope blog posted them recently and I finally got to try them. They are grain free, dairy free, and (refined) sugar free and DELICIOUS! I will admit, I was a little skeptical, but they are too good to be true. I posted them in my recipe page. YUM--worth every cent! (Almond flour is expensive, but so worth it in these cookies!)

I froze some and will have to let you know how they turn out after they have been frozen, then thawed. I am assuming they will be fine.

PS I also just posted the blog that these cookies came from on my blog list. It is the primal palate one. I am really excited about all the recipes they have on their blog. If the rest of their food is as good as the cookies, I am in business! Now I just have to start trying the recipes......